It is said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But, I do declare, beauty is in the booty of about 90 percent of the guys who have come out to Pretty Mess. Seriously: good job, Matt Barker. You single-handedly made me do several double takes by luring some of Toronto’s sweetest eye-candy to Smith on a Friday night. Ocular cavities for everyone! With DJ Jamal behind the decks and Prism’s Gairy Brown making a late-night appearance, it’s a cute merger of old school and new. Detention for everyone! Sloppily sipping drinks with Flare magazine’s Ryan Porterin the pink ballet slipper room — which now has one pair of curious black wrestler shoes hanging silently — several fabulous things, one in a rather loud fun-fur cheetah coat, pose for pictures. But it’s not just fab’s camera they lunge in front of. You see, Barker enlists his own house photographer to make sure his every action and those of his guests are captured on film. Or at least on Facebook. Everyone is a messy media whore.
It is said that our year begins on Jan 1 and that 2012 might be our last. But the Chinese calendar, which begins a few weeks later, writes a different future. It is the Year of the Dragon, the luckiest in the 12-year cycle. Perhaps this is why organizer John Wotta is hosting his first AsianXpress Chinese New Year party in five years. As the electronic AX-a-Go-Go sign over fly’s dancefloor flashes like a hyperactive child whose parents refuse to give him Ritalin, we begin to convulse. Rescuing us with mouth-to-mouth lip sync, Sofonda and Nikki Chinenter, pull shows and exit to deafening cheers. The go-go gays take to the speakers, but this time, like Noah’s bathhouse in a boat, two by two. Pairing them off allows for less dancing and more softcore porn gropes. And how great is it that DJ Alexis playing “PonPonPon” by Kyary Pamyu Pamyu? Watch her video on YouTube; its candy-coated fuckery will blow your mind.
It is said that the meek shall inherit the earth. But what about the nerds? I see nerdiness as untapped hotness. And what’s sexier than a game of Dungeons and Dragons with a perverted twist? Sodom’s Thrones & Dragons party at Goodhandy’s is a wonderfully entertaining example. It’s also the ideal spot to scope out some “herds” (hot nerds) dressed as kings, queens, princes, warriors and, yes, even one almost seven-foot court jester dressed only in spandex hot shorts and a court-appointed jester hat. DJ Blackcat seems very amused by the villagers below as he spins from the impressive castle that has been created around his booth. Sadly, tonight is also the step-down performance of Ivory Towers, who passes along her Sodom sceptre to the new reigning queen, the long-legged and gorgeous Nikki Chin. BTW, anyone else notice that Goodhandy’s coat check uses old Alibi ticket stubs? Remember that club. No? Me neither. Another sceptre passed.
It is said that music calms the savage beast. But can it do the same for Torontonians on a blustery winter night? At Sing-Along Grease, held at the TIFF Bell Lightbox, Sandy, Danny and Rizzo are doing just that. My all-time favourite ginger comic (if you don’t count Kathy Griffin, Lois Griffin or Ron Weasley), Shawn Hitchins, is doing a fine job hosting and giving detailed instructions of what to do during the specially reworked audience participation version of the film. Armed with a goody bag containing a small checkered racing flag, a blue balloon, one piece of tissue and a small explosive device, the audience members, many in full 1950s costumes, are ready to go. Besides the obvious singing and dancing, we are taught to hiss at Rizzo, boo at the Scorpions and wave a checkered flag during the drag race. It’s very involved. I wish I had a drink. Look at me — I’m seriously not Sandra Dee.