Dirty talk and filthy figures - Part 6

fab’s Gay Sex Survey for 2011 once again broke records by receiving 2,508 responses. Gay men wrote candidly about their desires, fetishes, emotions and needs. The overwhelming amount of raw data and comments required an entire team of fab writers to sort, sift and select the most startling and titillating material. Fortunately, John Crouch, Ryan English, Michael Lyons, Drew Rowsome, Eduardo Sabate, Matt Thomas, Jonathan Valelly, photographer David Hawe and illustrator Jordi Santo were up, no pun intended, for the daunting task.

Active enjoyment
 
Oral sex (giving, receiving and mutual) is the most often enjoyed sexual activity for more than 90% of all respondents, followed by handjobs (giving and receiving) at almost 90%. Being rimmed follows at 78% and cuddling sits at 77%. Anal sex (bottom) ranks next at 70%, with 68% eager to be the top (there is a similar split in gangbanging, with 42% enjoying being banged and only 39% being bangers — the opposite of the numbers required for this event).
 
Only 4% of respondents enjoy scat play, and it ranked the highest in the “don’t enjoy” category. Respondents would rather be fisted, flogged, sounded, spanked or receive cock and ball torture than perform any of these activities on another.
 
Bondage and gangbangs arouse the most curiosity in respondents followed by electro-stim, sounding, watersports, sploshing and bondage. Respondents asked for a “not interested” option and for clarification on some terms while also suggesting a few that could be added.
 
* Where's regular D/s? * Love manstink. Sweaty, musky pits, feet and crotch. I especially love sniffing and eating smegma. * I think you need another category in here between “enjoy” and “don't enjoy.” I don't really like being rimmed, but if my partner gets off doing it, I'll do it. * What about consenting physical actions like punching, slapping, spitting, etc? * Love naked wrestling, with lube or oil, on PVC bed sheets. * CFNM * Whatever happened to plain old regular vanilla sex? * Face fucking. Lots of guys like oral sex but don't much care for a man to grab them by the ears and fuck them orally. Not sure why they don’t like it, but hey — to each his own. * Just treat me like a whore so I can empty my balls. * Love to be degraded and humiliated in private or public.

Fantasy vs reality
 
Many respondents said their sexual fantasies revolved around group sex, celebrities, sports and rough sex play, including rape. Most respondents noted, however, that they had not yet made their fantasies a reality.
 
* Having sex with my hunky straight family doctor. Never did it, just got little details about the kind of underwear he prefers to wear and the kind of manscaping he does. * I want to move into Charlie Sheen's mansion and have orgies. It has not happened. * Raping a burglar, and no, I missed the chance. * I like to have my face slapped but would like to have someone hit me closed-fisted and give me a black eye. I haven't done it yet. * Have sex with all seven of my brothers at the same time. * Setting up an island sex resort, but that probably won't happen since I have no money.

Get to know your fantasy figures

72% of respondents have had sex with a man who identified as straight, 35% with a teacher, 19% with a relative, 27% with a delivery boy — and 25% got more than an exam from their doctor. 21% have had a firefighter and 26% have worked out and then worked it with personal trainers. Pornstars are the most coveted and 22% have managed to turn that fantasy into reality.
 
* I love the fab writer selection best. * Just about my whole high school (oral only), so about 450 guys over a three year period, some more than once. * Is there a fab writer available for sex? I'm hot just thinking about it. * Checking a guy's CV takes away too much precious play time, skip. * A younger Ted Kennedy. * Barack Obama, for sure!

Satisfaction
 
What is the most important component of satisfying sex?

 
Many respondents said “chemistry.” Several made their choices but then commented that a big cock never hurts.
 
* Where is passion on this list? * Change positions. Stop the monotony. * Intimacy implies being adventurous and every kink you can agree on. * Having a guy that can handle my cock. * Depends — sometimes hot, quick, anonymous sex is good, and other times slow sex is good. * A great money shot.

Dear Abby
 
Respondents have lots of sex tips for other fab readers. Top suggestions are to pay attention to your partner, relax, indulge in lots of foreplay, practise safer sex, use lots of lube and try new things. One helpful respondent included his phone number, promising it guaranteed greater sex.
 
* It's not a race to the finish line. * Wear a condom. * Use your hand when giving blowjobs. Awesome double sensation. * Be honest about that deep, dark, secret fetish you have. Chances are, most other people have done it, want to do it or think about it, too. * Do what you love to do. Experiment to find out what that is. Be adventurous. * Don't be encouraged to do anything sexually that you’re not comfortable with. * If you're a top, apply the lube yourself. It's a turnoff to give the lube to the bottom and expect them to lube themselves up for you. * Play with your and your partner's cock after ejaculation. It is very sensitive and can be so much fun. * Push back. * When you deep-throat, stick out your tongue and say “ahh” like you learn at the doctor's office. * If you are with a guy, be with him 100% even if you just met him five minutes ago and you will never see him again. * Try anything twice, in case you do it wrong the first time. * Learn how to give a decent blowjob. The Hoover technique is not always flattering. And honestly, size is not everything. * As often and with as many different blokes as possible. Fuck what anyone thinks; I'd rather be considered a slut than be sitting at home alone in years to come, thinking what if? * You are worth something; don’t just slut around like you’re not. * Keep rolling the dice — the more times you fuck the better the odds of getting a great one. * Don't sleep with dirt birds. * Leave your inhibitions on the floor with your clothes. * If your teeth touch the penis, you’re doing it wrong. * Open your legs for horny cocks. * At least try swallowing. * Don't disparage the bottom. You can't be a top without one. * Wear nice underpants to the gym — guys notice this. * Touch your partner's shoulder, ears, hair, forehead, butt, back, chest, nipples, legs, thighs, calves, feet, hands, fingers — everything. * Fist slowly and use lots of Crisco — the stuff is cheap. * You can take anything if you bite your lip and use enough lube. * Moan like a man * Try piss fun when clothed. * Don't jerk off in the morning if you know you're going to have sex at night or sometime during the day. Better orgasm, more cum. * Enjoy and don't let emotions get too wrapped up with sex unless you are in a relationship. * Trolls need sex too. * Shave your balls — it feels sexy. * Hot older guys were always once hot younger guys, but age doesn't automatically make someone a better lover. * Remember: your nipples can bring you great pleasure. * When giving head just randomly dip his dick in a drink, or some jam, any liquid and then go to town. * Don't forget hygiene and Tic Tacs. * Bend over anywhere you can. * Get out of the closet — life's too short.
 
What do gay men most commonly do wrong during sex?
 
Respondents stressed cleanliness and playing safe above all but then became totally contradictory: talking too much or too little, being romantic or not being romantic, too rough or not rough enough.
 
* Go after too big of dicks. * Treat it far too seriously. * Feel pressure to perform beyond their comfort or experience level. * Shallowly think it's all about how good they look. * Dive into anal. I don't know about you, but I need to be worked into it. * Imitate porn while having anal sex and try to get it in too fast. There's a lot of foreplay off screen! * They aren't open-minded enough and would rather say no to something during sex than try it out. * Cut your fingernails. * They don't kiss enough. * Overthink it. * Get too high on poppers or more extreme drugs. * Say “I love you.” * Get too heavy about future dates. * Don’t leave. * Concentrate on nipples — cock is where their hands and mouth should be. * Just go straight to the cock — there are other parts of the body to explore. * Lean backwards too far when sitting on my cock. * Blowjobs. I cannot understand why so many men cannot do this correctly. * Say the last guy they had was bigger than you. * Get dressed immediately after cumming. * When meeting someone into extreme perverted sleazy fuck fun, they assume I’m also into young, as I’m basically into anything else. * Top lads don't pay any attention to bottom guys’ cocks. * I personally hate it when someone slaps my ass during sex. * Ask how much I make and do I own my house and car. * Treat the bottom like a woman. We're built better, so we can take it harder. * Texting or having their cellphone on. * Pass out. * Lay there like a sack of spuds. * Treat it as a chore, not an experience. * They don’t understand that sex is a power struggle. If you want to top me, you gotta be man enough to pin me down. Otherwise, your ass is mine.

Much much more to come, both in the printed magazine (on stands on Wed, April 27) and at fabmagazine.com...